Building confidence takes time, patience and effort. You will have to take a few risks. At times you will feel anxious. How can you motivate yourself to put up with the discomfort and persevere? We humans are motivated by: a want or need which induces tension.
Only if these are unsatisfied can there be motivational power. Perceptions of ‘pleasure’ and ‘pain’ . We seek pleasure and are driven by a desire to avoid pain. Hopes and expectations that we can get what we want, and that everything will come right in the end. The strongest motivation comes from a passionate desire for something pleasurable, coupled with the avoidance of pain.The best way to motivate yourself is to set yourself some worthy goals, find plenty of reasons why you want to accomplish them, and keep in mind the consequences of failure – which is what you are about to do. Goals are so important that I shall assume for the rest of this programme that you have several on the go at all times. More about them in Section 29.
“To change one’s life: Start immediately. Do it flamboyantly.No exceptions. No excuses." - Professor William James
‘it Feels Really Good To Do Something For Myself’
One person who was motivated to change was Lynne. She had lived by other people’s rules for most of her life, usually allowing others to make decisions on her behalf. Then one evening, after a heated row, her abusive and manipulative husband of 20 years stormed out in a rage, threatening to throw himself over a cliff. He expected her to beg him to return, as she had always done before. But unbeknown to him she had been quietly working on her confidence and this time she refused. At first he threatened, then he pleaded, but she held firm.
This was the beginning of a new phase in her life. Six months later, no longer facing the daily outbursts which she had previously endured, her home was a haven of calm. She had taken computing lessons, found a well paid job, enrolled for evening art classes, and was performing with a local group of singers. Even her son, no longer having to endure the tension, was happier and more settled at school.
‘Since I worked on my confidence,’ Lynne said, ‘I feel as if I’m in control. It feels really good to do something for myself that I’ve always wanted to do. And I know if I don’t I’ve only got myself to blame’.