Approval-seeking behaviour implies going along with what you think others expect out of fear that they won’t like you. It means being excessively concerned with what others think. Obviously there is nothing wrong with wanting to be liked and accepted; it’s a natural human desire. But it becomes a problem when you allow others’ approval to dictate how you feel about yourself. Psychologists recognise this as a deep-seated neurosis. For example, many individuals well into adulthood are still subconsciously attempting to please their parents, teachers and the other children in the playground, and many others are a slave to other people’s ideas and opinions. Approval-seeking behaviour does have short-term benefits; it keeps others happy, gets them off your back. But it could be at the expense of your long-term self-esteem. You cannot find long-term happiness by constantly pandering to others. Besides, people soon tire of a ‘yes-man’. There is only one person whose approval you really need, and that’s you . Other people’s expectations are not your concern. You didn’t create them, and you don’t own them. If others don’t like what you do that’s their problem, not yours. When you stop doing things just because others expect it, the sense of freedom can be exhilarating. No longer do you have to pretend to be something you’re not. You always have the choice of how to respond to others’ expectations. Use it wisely! “We can secure other people’s approval if we do rightand try hard, but our own is worth a hundred of it. Mark Twain”
What Would The Teacher Think?
Patricia was a worrier, and the thing she worried about most was what others thought of her. One day her son’s teacher asked the class to take some newspapers to school the following day. All she could find at first was last week’s local free advertiser and a copy of a down-market tabloid known mainly for the page displaying pictures of topless women. Patricia went into a panic. She couldn’t let him take either of those. What would the teacher think?
Eventually, after a lengthy and heated discussion with her husband, he popped round to the next door neighbour’s and returned with a few spare copies of a quality broadsheet. Phew!
In the event the teacher didn’t even look at the newspaper. She only wanted them for papier mache!