People who lack confidence often take themselves very seriously. They take offence easily and quickly get defensive. They rise to the bait when someone pokes fun at them (and they do make easy targets). You can easily spot such people – they’re usually on their own! It’s impossible to laugh and feel anxious at the same time, and the less anxious, the more confident you feel. So lighten up. Make a determined effort to see the funny side of life. Seek out people who have a good sense of humour, and have one or two funny stories up your sleeve.
When you laugh and make others laugh, it does wonders for your self-esteem. “Angels fly because they take themselves lightly. Alan Watts” “Whoever makes you laugh helps you live. Menander ”Michael was one of the most intense young men I have ever met. Still living with his parents at 28, he had no social life and had never had a girlfriend. ‘Why would any girl want to talk to me?’ he asked me. Within two minutes of meeting him the reason was obvious. He had no apparent sense of humour. The only TV programmes he watched were documentaries, and he couldn’t name a single comedian who made him laugh. When he met people he was so eager to show off his immense knowledge that they soon switched off.
He thought that sharing his problems would make women sympathetic, but it merely drove them away. Then he would take offence at their ‘rudeness’ and go into a sulk. Michael was in therapy for several months, during which he learned, among other things, to use the I-T-I-A Formula ©, find a purpose and cultivate some social skills. But the biggest breakthrough came when he realised his serious demeanour put people off. He immediately resolved to lighten up and the change over the following weeks was remarkable.
A few months after he concluded therapy a postcard arrived from Egypt. He had quit his job and set off on a world tour with his new girlfriend. The following year he sent cards from India, Malaysia, Australia, New Zealand, and South and North America. I have no idea where he is now or what he’s doing, but I imagine it’s a lot of fun!