Some people think it’s a sin to love yourself. They consider those who love themselves to be selfish, conceited and rather unpleasant. But they’re mistaken. They confuse self-love with false pride and narcissism (being in love with yourself) which is quite a different matter. Vanity and arrogance are usually a form of bravado engaged in by people who love themselves too little and are trying to cover it up. If you don’t love yourself you’ll have no sense of self-worth, and no feeling of acceptance or belonging. Furthermore, your capacity for loving others is directly related to how much love you have for yourself. You can’t share anything you don’t have. How can you truly love another if you don’t feel worthy of giving and receiving love? Impossible.The belief that you need to be different from how you are in order to be loved causes a great deal of misery. Unless you are happy within, you’ll never be truly satisfied with what you do. Loving yourself unconditionally is the key to happiness. But you don’t have to be perfect: the most loved person in the world makes mistakes! You don’t even have to do your best. You don’t have to prove anything. You’re all right because you’re all right, and lovable exactly as you are. “It’s a funny thing about life: if you refuse to accept anything less than the best, you very often get it. W. Somerset Maugham”
One Of Life’s Losers
Dawn was an attractive woman in her mid-30s, depressed and on the verge of a nervous breakdown. She was well qualified but out of work, had no friends and hardly ever went out. She was also desperate to evict her abusive ex-boyfriend, Nick, from her flat but he was refusing to leave. She described herself as ‘one of life’s losers’. ‘I hate myself,’ she said, ‘I’m such a failure.’
Naturally I taught her to use the I-T-I-A Formula
© and Four Step Method. We also talked about loving yourself. I suggested she used the affirmations suggested in Confidence Builder 237 every day.
Here’s what she told me in a letter six months after she quit therapy. ‘I now have a job. It’s not exactly what I want, but it is well paid and could lead to something more suitable. It’s made me feel a lot better. Nick has moved out, and although I’m still seeking an intelligent, good-looking and caring man, I now know that I’m not prepared to settle for any old rubbish like before. I’ve joined a health club and made new friends, and I go out several times a week with my new flat mate (female) which must be increasing my chances of meeting someone nice. I’m even beginning to love myself.’
When you learn to love yourself change always takes place. Not
always immediately – but it will.