The child you once were lives on inside you, influencing every thought, every emotion, every move. You’re with each other every minute of the day. Many people are in adult bodies but they still react like children, still attached to their parents, never having broken free from the attitudes and beliefs they acquired in their youth. Your Inner Child is the part of your personality which: Is playful and spontaneous Likes having fun Is imaginative Loves the world of ‘let’s pretend’ Is sensitive Needs to be cared for and understood Likes to please, seeking love and approval in return. Like a real child, an Inner Child starved of love, warmth and understanding is easily hurt, and may become depressed and withdrawn. The Inner Child can be the source of much adult unhappiness if it is still harbouring anger, pain and guilt from earlier years. If this is true for you, you can never be truly confident and happy unless these feelings are resolved. Learn to accept your Inner Child as an important and valuable part of you. “Whatever our upbringing has been, as adults ourself-esteem is in our own hands. Dr Nathaniel Branden ”
‘her Fault, Not Mine’
Celia believed she had been unloved as a child. Her father abandoned his wife and daughter soon after she was born, and her mother was always busy. She remembered feeling alone and pleading with her mother to play with her, but Mum always shooed her away. ‘I always felt it was my fault,’ she said. ‘I must have been really boring.’
In therapy Celia entered the relaxed state and pictured herself as a child. She imagined the little girl she once was sat on her knee, being comforted. They chatted to each other; the little girl insisted that she was not boring, just lonely. She hated the way she was recollected by the adult Celia. She considered it very unfair. As she visualised herself enjoying a warm, lingering cuddle, tears welled up.
The following week Celia felt much better about her childhood and herself. ‘I now realise I was 0K,’ she said. ‘If my mother didn’t want to know, that was her fault, not mine.’
Like Celia you will only be able to accept your Inner Child as an important and valuable part of you when you stop judging him or her and treat her with compassion instead.